Twitter user Molly had us all nodding our heads in agreement when she tweeted, "The only way to eat a $21 salad is angrily." Or claim you saw a hair in it, send it back and get a burger. (Maybe that's just us, though.)
The most accurate truth bomb we stumbled across came from Twitter user Jay, A Slur when she tweeted, "Imagine never having to worry that not looking desirable will impact your employment prospects. It's called being male, I think?" Preach, lady.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
It can't be a coincidence that morning and mourning sound exactly the same.
If there's not hot, dirty sex involved, don't wake me up.
— Goddess of Mischief (@ShanaRose21) August 4, 2014My favorite part of getting shit done, is ignoring the fact that I have to get shit done and taking a nap instead.
— Mrs.Throbinson (@mellimelle) August 4, 2014I always keep my middle finger loaded for assholes
— Tammy (@OkieGirl405) August 2, 2014Those days when you just can’t get your shit together, and then there’s these kids, who you’re in charge of, just staring at you…
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) August 5, 2014Our federal government has more diversity than late night television. And better musical guests too! #what
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) August 5, 2014A drought just means God hasn't been listening to enough Adele.
— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) August 5, 2014Shout out to this particular client who takes Viagra daily. Well done sir!
Btw... Have I seen your dick on Twitter?
— PinkCamo (@PinkCamoTO) August 5, 2014I was raised as an only child.
My brother was really pissed.
— Maester Craving. (@calluptome) August 5, 2014Sometimes you just gotta take a deep breath and say to yourself "Well, that part of my eyebrow is never going to grow back..."
— Leah Bonnema (@LeahBonnema) August 6, 2014*applies a pound of makeup
*fixes hair
*gets back into bed
*takes picture
"Just got up. No filter. #iwokeuplikedis"
— Say it ain't so (@Shut_up_Marissa) August 6, 2014Tinder, but for finding dads.
— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) August 6, 2014I really need to get a nanny so I can start tweeting again.
— Jenny Mollen (@jennyandteets) August 8, 20146 year old child for sale.
*manners sold separately
— ShotofCherye (@CheryeDavis) August 8, 2014The only way to eat a $21 salad is angrily.
— molly (@Molly_Kats) August 8, 2014Just once I'd like to see a movie sex scene be accurate.
You know, him having a hard time getting her off then giving up.
— The Eh Factor (@AngelaEhh) August 8, 2014Sometimes I think "I need to think before I speak" and then other times I think "I shouldn't leave the house or interact with people ever."
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) August 4, 2014In general, men are gigantic pussies.
-Susan B Anthony
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) August 7, 2014You guys that's Nicki's verse on the Flawless remix. If I'd written that, well, I wouldn't have been shoved so much at camp
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) August 3, 2014imagine never having to worry that not looking desirable will impact your employment prospects.
it's called being male, I think?
— jay, a slur (@jaythenerdkid) August 8, 2014Did you ever think that maybe zombies dont take selfies cause they dont have lips to make a duckface? No, because you only think of yourself
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) August 8, 2014Noted White Castle lover Chrissy Teigen throwing the first pitch, drunk, in wedge sneakers, has GOT to be Peak "Cool Girl," right? (Please?)
— Kat Stoeffel (@KStoeffel) August 6, 2014
